yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
