fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
