Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
