I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
