dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
