so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
