never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
