I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
