note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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