I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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