so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
