Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
