I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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