So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
