My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
