real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
