If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
