I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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