Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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