Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
