a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
