TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
