actually, I'm a sock model
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
