my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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