can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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