I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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