you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
