i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
