Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
