I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
