I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
