So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
