She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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