arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
