I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
