I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't deserve a penis
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
