I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
