I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize