You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Vodka?
Forever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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