Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
