i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need water and some morals
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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