Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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