what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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