I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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