last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
