you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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