I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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