if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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