He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
