He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
