I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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