i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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