also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
