Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
