You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
