Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
