the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
