your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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