i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
