I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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