My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
