my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
