I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
