Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
