Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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