i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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