he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
home. puking in laundry basket.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
