All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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