Your dad touched me again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
