Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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